Irresponsible behavior:unhealthy for people&synagogues
Mr. Shirker/Show-off called my husband, the Ritual Committee chair, a while back and asked to chant a haftarah (a reading from the prophets) in memory of his father. The timing couldn't have been better, since we had an aufruf to attend at another synagogue that Shabbat (Sabbath) morning.
Fat chance that everything's going to happen according to plan.
First, the hubster gets a phone message from the rabbi saying that he had a family emergency and would be out of town. This was two days before the same Shabbat as that aufruf.
Then, at the Kabbalat Shabbat/Sabbath Eve service the evening before the aufruf, Mr. Shirker/Show-off informs my husband that he's not going to be at services the next morning to chant the haftarah. Since it's already Shabbat, my husband can't phone Mr. Mixed and ask him whether he's available.
So the chazzan/cantor ends up
This morning, my husband walks into "morning m'zuman," as he calls it--we almost never get a minyan (10), these days, so we have to settle for the three-person minimum that's good enough for a communally-recited Birkat HaMazon/Grace after Meals, but not good enough for saying kaddish--and discovers that our usual weekday baal tefillah/prayer leader (a.k.a. the shnorrer) is out sick. Guess who led the morning "minyan" this morning?
This would be funny if it weren't unnerving. At this point, my husband and Mr. Mixed are pretty much taking turns chanting haftarot, since, of the other four congregants who can do the job, one knows only two haftarot and is too nervous about chanting them to want to learn any more, two more (Mr. Shirker/Show-off and a party whom I hereby dub AWOL, who's almost exclusively a "High Holiday Jew," at this point), are almost never available, and yours truly knows only nine. The number of (male) congregants who can lead a service and can lein Torah/do k'riat haTorah/chant the Torah reading from the scroll can be counted on less than one hand, and some of them are not happy about volunteering even during the cantor's vacation. Our worship services are rapidly turning into a two-man show, with my husband and the cantor doing just about everything but sermonizing (and even that, in the rabbi's absence), not because that's what they want, but because they really don't have much choice. (Did I mention that our rabbi doesn't know how to chant a haftarah or lein and is unwilling to learn?) Under the dubious circumstances, I can hardly blame my husband for giving Mr. Mixed the honor of chanting the haftarah practically every other time he walks in the door. This is unnerving and upsetting not just on the general principal that a congregation should be able to sustain its own religious life without relying almost entirely on one volunteer, but also because my husband already has kidney stones, borderline cholesterol, and a hernia, and has recently begun having dizzy spells serious enough that he had to be escorted off the Israeli-folk-dance floor to a chair last night. The current plan for next fall's High Holidays is for my husband to lead Shacharit and Minchah/Afternoon Service, to chant at least one haftarah (Yonah), and, if the rabbi's contract doesn't get renewed, to give the sermons, as well. Just how broad does this congregation expect one person's shoulders to be?
Fat chance that everything's going to happen according to plan.
First, the hubster gets a phone message from the rabbi saying that he had a family emergency and would be out of town. This was two days before the same Shabbat as that aufruf.
Then, at the Kabbalat Shabbat/Sabbath Eve service the evening before the aufruf, Mr. Shirker/Show-off informs my husband that he's not going to be at services the next morning to chant the haftarah. Since it's already Shabbat, my husband can't phone Mr. Mixed and ask him whether he's available.
So the chazzan/cantor ends up
- leading the service from Birkot HaShachar through P'sukei D'Zimrah, which is usually done by the rabbi, or, in the rabbi's absence, by my husband,
- leading the Shacharit/Morning Service and doing k'riat haTorah (chanting the Torah reading from the scroll), as he does every week,
- giving a short d'var Torah/Torah discussion in place of the rabbi's sermon,
- chanting the haftarah, which he almost never does, but, since we now have exactly six congregants capable of chanting a haftarah (if my so-called memory serves me correctly), and none of them happened to be there that Shabbat, he didn't have much choice, and
- leading Musaf, as he does every week.
This morning, my husband walks into "morning m'zuman," as he calls it--we almost never get a minyan (10), these days, so we have to settle for the three-person minimum that's good enough for a communally-recited Birkat HaMazon/Grace after Meals, but not good enough for saying kaddish--and discovers that our usual weekday baal tefillah/prayer leader (a.k.a. the shnorrer) is out sick. Guess who led the morning "minyan" this morning?
This would be funny if it weren't unnerving. At this point, my husband and Mr. Mixed are pretty much taking turns chanting haftarot, since, of the other four congregants who can do the job, one knows only two haftarot and is too nervous about chanting them to want to learn any more, two more (Mr. Shirker/Show-off and a party whom I hereby dub AWOL, who's almost exclusively a "High Holiday Jew," at this point), are almost never available, and yours truly knows only nine. The number of (male) congregants who can lead a service and can lein Torah/do k'riat haTorah/chant the Torah reading from the scroll can be counted on less than one hand, and some of them are not happy about volunteering even during the cantor's vacation. Our worship services are rapidly turning into a two-man show, with my husband and the cantor doing just about everything but sermonizing (and even that, in the rabbi's absence), not because that's what they want, but because they really don't have much choice. (Did I mention that our rabbi doesn't know how to chant a haftarah or lein and is unwilling to learn?) Under the dubious circumstances, I can hardly blame my husband for giving Mr. Mixed the honor of chanting the haftarah practically every other time he walks in the door. This is unnerving and upsetting not just on the general principal that a congregation should be able to sustain its own religious life without relying almost entirely on one volunteer, but also because my husband already has kidney stones, borderline cholesterol, and a hernia, and has recently begun having dizzy spells serious enough that he had to be escorted off the Israeli-folk-dance floor to a chair last night. The current plan for next fall's High Holidays is for my husband to lead Shacharit and Minchah/Afternoon Service, to chant at least one haftarah (Yonah), and, if the rabbi's contract doesn't get renewed, to give the sermons, as well. Just how broad does this congregation expect one person's shoulders to be?
posted by Shira Salamone at 11:54 AM
22 Comments:
It is ironic that at one point in time, Conservative Judaism was seen as the wave of the future, yet today they can't make a weekday minyan, even WITH counting women.
The Orthodox shul I belong to sometimes has trouble making a weekday shacharit minyan in the winter, but that would put them in the minority of O shuls in my town.
at some point you need to look seriously at whether this shul is fulfilling YOUR needs, as opposed to whether you and Hubby are filling ITS needs. It might be better for this shul to die at this point.
"It is ironic that at one point in time, Conservative Judaism was seen as the wave of the future, yet today they can't make a weekday minyan, even WITH counting women." Anon., true, and sad.
Jdub, this shul stopped fulfilling MY needs years ago, or, to be precise, it never really started. And, at this point, my hubby is taking much better care of our fellow and sister congregants' needs than the congregants are taking care of his. No one seems to be aware of and/or concerned about the toll that the vast majority's refusal to take responsibility for the functioning of the synagogue as a house of worship has on him. As for the shul dying, at the rate at the *congregants* are dying, the shul will die soon enough. But, at this point, I wonder whether it wouldn't be better for our mental and physical health to leave the neighborhood before then.
Shira, why should they? As you've pointed out, there isn't really a congregation, just a building and some people that show up from time to time. There are only a handful making the minyan, and they don't know and aren't interested in learning.
The problem isn't them, it's you. The Shul doesn't do anything for you, and you keep martyring yourself for it, and they don't care or want it. You've mentioned repeatedly how the minyan makes you uncomfortable.
I don't get it, it's time to move on. The Shul isn't what you want, so why try to change it. Either the congregants are happy with what they have, or they have to want to change it, no need for them to accommodate you.
You're like the abused woman who keeps going back for more hoping that the abuser will stop drinking and realize how could he has it. I think that the Shul has had ample time to "come around" and they aren't what you want. Part ways amicably, you're doing nobody any favors by doing it all yourselves.
(Did I mention that our rabbi doesn't know how to chant a haftarah or lein and is unwilling to learn?)
Your rabbi can't chant a haftarah?
I never heard of such a thing! This is a rabbi?
I agree with everything everyone has said. Shira, you and your husband are too good for this congregation.
I wouldn't feel the slightest bit guilty if I were you and I'd say good by to these people.
The only other thing I can think of is to send out a letter to the congregation stating the various instances you've shared with us and let them know what is going on.
Some times seeing things in black and white makes the greatest impact.
Just a thought
It's actually only in the non-orthodox world that rabbis are expected to lain the parsha or a haftarah (or perhaps also in really small out of the way ortho communities). Our rabbi in our large orthodox shul never lains (I don't believe he is that good at it, although he probably knows how) and only gets maftir if he is either being honored or has yahrtzeit.
I know many rabbis who cannot or do not lain.
jdub, this certainly raises the question of WHY the Rabbi cannot or does not lain. In the non-Orthodox world, the Rabbi often does everything not being done by the B'nai Mitzvot or the Canter. In the Orthodox world, the Rabbi gives a D'var Torah (more of a Sermon on the modern side), but a congregant lains and leads the service.
However, if we expect that our general congregants should be able to lain or otherwise serve in a prayer model, then why don't we expect our Rabbis to be able to do so (not suggesting that they do it week in and week out).
I mean, given a Day School/Yeshiva education, one ought to be able to be a participant in communal prayer. Why shouldn't a Day School/Yeshiva + Semicha graduate be able to do so.
Since the random Doctor/Lawyer/CPA in the community is capable, why isn't the Rabbi capable. Why should the Rabbi of the congregation have less learning/capability than Shira's CPA husband and/or Shira?
Did I mention that our rabbi doesn't know how to chant a haftarah or lein and is unwilling to learn
What??? How did he get to be a rabbi without learning this????
Is your husband under some contractual obligation to the shul requiring him to serve as ritual committee chair? If not, there's a simple solution to the problem -- give it up. It sounds like he's done more than his fair share of the work. If he now finds it to be too much work, then its time to resign. Nothing wrong or dishonorable about that. But by the same token, I'm not sure you can keep letting people off the hook and then have the right to complain.
I've been through this. Its not pretty. I've been president of a dying JCC, sit on the board of my own congregation and single-handedly ran the religious school longer than I should have, and provide legal counsel to similarly situated congregations. Yours is past the breaking point. Its time to wind up the congregation and sell the building (if the cong. owns it). Based on where I suspect the shul is, you will have plenty of Korean churches bidding for the building. It will give you lots of funds to argue about distributing when you shut down.
"The problem isn't them, it's you. The Shul doesn't do anything for you, and you keep martyring yourself for it . . .
You're like the abused woman who keeps going back for more hoping that the abuser will stop . . . "
Miami Al, that's not the problem: The problem is that my parents raised me to believe that it's the responsibility of a Conservative Jew to support his/her local Conservative synagogue. It's past time for me to understand that there are limits.
"The only other thing I can think of is to send out a letter to the congregation stating the various instances you've shared with us and let them know what is going on." Sigh. My husband already did that when he resigned as synagogue treasurer. Round two, anyone?
"Since the random Doctor/Lawyer/CPA in the community is capable, why isn't the Rabbi capable. Why should the Rabbi of the congregation have less learning/capability than Shira's CPA husband and/or Shira?"
The rabbi seems to think that, since he's not being paid to chant haftarot or lein, he shouldn't be expected to do so. That's true, as a general rule, but it would certainly be handy if he could lein on the three Shabbatot a year that the chazzan's on vacation. That also doesn't answer the question of how a person can manage to be ordained a rabbi without being able to do what can be done by many Bar Mitzvah boys.
"Its time to wind up the congregation and sell the building . . . " Steve, my husband tells me that the president has made inquiries among local real estate agents and has been told that the synagogue building wouldn't fetch a very high sale price at the moment. I assume that the prez wants to delay the sale of the shul building until the congregation can earn enough money to pay our debts. More's the pity. You're certainly right about our synagogue being past the breaking point.
For the record, my husband, who, unlike me, is neither a "cockeyed pessimist" nor as easily upset as I am, is much more sanguine about this whole situation that I am. He's taking it all in stride. I don't think he has any resignation plans.
My husband also thinks that his recent dizzy spells are being caused not by stress, but by his recent H1N1 flu vaccination.
Tzipporah: leining is not a requirement for Orthodox rabbis. In fact, there are no ritual requirements to be an orthodox rabbi, it's book knowledge.
THe curriculum for JTS rabbinical school required proficiency in laining.
Al: you said: I mean, given a Day School/Yeshiva education, one ought to be able to be a participant in communal prayer. Why shouldn't a Day School/Yeshiva + Semicha graduate be able to do so.
Why do you assume that? First off, my rabbi didn't go to day school. He went to YU and then RIETS, but not day school. Ba'alei t'shuvah (self included) may never have learned to lein for a bar mitzvah, much harder to learn as an adult.
Moreover, ritual skills(davening, leining, etc.) require a skill set that not everyone can do. I cannot for the life of me keep the tropp straight. doesn't work. hence, I don't lein. I don't daven musaf either, to spare the ears of the mitpallelim.
torah learning and ritual skills bear no real connection.
"torah learning and ritual skills bear no real connection."
I suppose you're right, JDub. But I am surprised that our rabbi, who's got a good enough voice to lead services and has done so on many occasions, should make a point of not wanting to learn to chant a haftarah, much less lein. My guess is that he considers studying anything other than Gemara a bittul z'man/waste of time.
Jdub -- I'm not a day school graduate, either; and may hebrew often leaves much to be desired. I didn't learn to leyn until my older daughter's bat mitzvah, but did not find the task insurmountable. Our cong. ba'al korei taught the class; he's an excellent instructor because he is totally focused on the taamim. Once learned, its simply a process of memorizing a given aliyah, with the scoll itself used as "notes" to get you through. In my teacher's case, I'm pretty sure he's memorized the entire torah.
Steve, this assumes a willingness to learn. The chazzan has been offering to teach haftarah chanting not only to this rabbi--previous rabbis already knew how--but also to any adult congregant who's interested. (He teaches the kids for their Bar and Bat Mitzvah celebrations.) In the entire quarter century that I've been a member, I don't think he's had a single adult student. The best that can be said is that the rabbi's in good company. Actually, it could be argued that the rabbi's in *bad* company--the fact that the congregants think there's nothing wrong with having the same two guys chant almost all of the haftarot is a source of continuing astonishment to me. And if they're not willing to learn to chant a haftarah, they're certainly not willing to learn to lein. What's wrong with these people?
steve:
first, it's easy for some, much more difficult for others. My hebrew is quite good (including grammatical understanding, which is the basis of the tropp), but I can't ever hit the tropp right. Just doesn't work.
also, in my community where there are about 10 excellent ba'alei korei, and another 20-30 passable ones, and I'm not even talking about the teenage boys who are terrific, why should I bother learning? I'd be acceptable, at best, so why bother? I've got more important things to do.
JDub, if there even that many people left in our entire congregation, this might not be such a big issue!
On the other hand, I think part of the problem is that there once were many more men who were capable of chanting a haftarah. Sadly, most of them are no longer among the living. But the other congregants seem to have assumed that there would always be someone else to do the job. Sure, they can complain that they're all in their 80s now, and don't want to knock themselves out learning something new, but they were all around my age (60) when I first got here 25 years ago, so why didn't they learn back then?
I'm certainly willing to excuse those who are "vocally challenged," as well as the guy who's had serious vision problems since the 40s. But the rest of the men have no excuse. (The women weren't allowed to chant haftarot until about 15 years ago.)
Jdub --
My intention wasn't to criticize, so please excuse me if you took it that way. Rather, my point was that, at least as I see it, a Rabbi, regardless of denomination, has as obligation to his congregation to do "what must be done". I've seen this before in other circumstances and find it disappointing and unprofessional. Congregations in which the rabbi freely rolls up his sleeves and gets his hands dirty (figuratively) are generally better, more motivated congregations.
Jdub,
8 years of Jewish education (4 @ YU, + 4 @ REITS) for someone that wants their profession to be "Jew" ought to be able to learn what is expected of a relatively advanced 13 year old, who is expected to learn this on top of his middle school education.
I understand that Semicha doesn't require the skill.
I think that someone that not only obtains Semicha, but works in a communal Rabbinic capacity, ought to be ABLE, if they so choose, to take the time to learn to do it. If their community doesn't require the Rabbi to lein/chant Haftorah, that's fine, it doesn't come up. But if they require it, I find it disappointing if they are incapable of doing so.
The local Rabbeim here do not, as a rule, lein OR do Haftorah, it's done by a congregant. When they are due the honor, they take it and are capable of doing so. If nobody was able to step up and do so for a week or two, I believe that, without difficulty, both would master it.
Both are BTs and didn't get a Jewish education before college. I'm not questioning that one can become a Rabbi without the knowledge, I'm question what possible excuse a communal Rabbi whose community needs him to have that skill has for not learning it.
Jdub, you don't know how, your community doesn't require it, and you're a layman. Your Rabbi doesn't both because it's not expected of him, but if it became clear that he needed to do so, do you think he would do so?
There is a TREMENDOUS amount of education in the Jewish Yeshiva world. I find the lack of mastery of basic ritual portions amongst those that are held up as the pinnacle of the system sad.
JDub and Miami Al, I think we all agree on this point: Though the ability to chant a haftarah and/or lein are not required for s'micha/ rabbinical ordination, it's an extremely useful skill for a pulpit rabbi to have.
"I find the lack of mastery of basic ritual portions amongst those that are held up as the pinnacle of the system sad." My rabbi has a Yoreh Yoreh Yadin Yadin ("he may teach, he may render decisions") s'micha, which, I gather, is a higher-level ordination, but he can't do what the average Bar Mitzvah boy is capable of doing. Frankly, I just don't get it.
"I'm not questioning that one can become a Rabbi without the knowledge, I'm question what possible excuse a communal Rabbi whose community needs him to have that skill has for not learning it." I'm not sure whether the rabbi refuses to learn because he's so underpaid (true), because he considers such basic tasks beneath his dignity, or because he thinks that learning the basics will take too much time from his Gemara studies. I wouldn't be surprised if the answer is "all of the above."
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